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There he goes as usual, my man
Breaking my foolish heart.
I really donít know what to do about him
Iíve told my self Iíve got to do without him

There he goes as usual, my man.
Tearing my heart apart.
Heís made my life a mess
Iíve got to do this I guess
Goodbye, Joe, from here I kiss you
Goodbye, Joe, I hope I donít miss you

[Pistol sound]

If you had been on the square
And had treated me fair
And weíd not had a tiff
If you had not said
I should go and jump right off
The nearest cliff
If you had stayed off the make
And you never had taken
To coming home stiff
If I hand not smelled perfume
With a nasty unfamiliar whiff

IíM GONNA MISS YOU BABY!
THINGS COULDíVE BEEN TERIFF!
Ah, whatís the diffÖ 

If you had not had the cheek
To stay out for a week
Saying íback in a jiff
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't
If you hadn't 
If you didn't
And you weren't
And you hadn't
And you didnít
But you have
And you were
And you went
And you did
And so goodbye!

If I had not seen you
Take Geraldine on the lake
In your flat-bottomed skiff
If you were not out with Sue
With your arms around her bare midriff
If I had not seen you pen sexy letters
To Gwen in your own Hieroglyph
If you had not left me home
When had two seats for South Pacif
 
IíM GONNA MISS YOU, BABY
YOU WERE TOO DARN PROLIF
Ah, what's the diff

If you were not such a hound who
When game was around
Always picked at the sniff
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didnít
And you werenít
And you hadnít
And you didnít
But you were
And you have
And you went
And you did
AND SO, GOODBYE

If when I asked where youíd been
You had not cliffed my chin
With a beautiful biff
Hey
If I had not always found purple
Lipstick on your handkerchief
If you had not told me lies
And then looked in my eyes
With a smile beautif
If when I caught you with Kate
You had not said, ďItís of no signif!Ē

IíM GONNA MISS YOU, BABY
AND I COULD GET SPECIF!
Ah, whatís the diff!

If The best years of my life
Werenít spent as your wife
With no marriage certif
If you were not such a two-timing guy

If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadnít
If you didnít
But you had

And then we coulda
And you didn't
Though you shoulda

If you didn't
If you weren't
If you hadn't
If you didn't
But you were
And you have
And you went
And you did
And so
Good bye
See ya later, Joe