Eminem
Meet Eddie. 23 years old. Fed up with life and the way things are going,
he decides to rob a liquor store. But on his way in, he has a sudden
change of heart. And suddenly, his conscience comes into play...
Dre:
Alright, stop! (Huh?) Now before you walk in the door
This liquor store and try to get money out the drawer
You better think of the consequence...(Who are you?)
I'm your motherfuckin' conscience
Em:
That's nonsense. Go in gather the money
And run to one of your aunt's cribs
And borrow her damn dress and one of her blond wigs
Tell her you need a place to stay
You'll be safe for days if you shave ya legs
With Renee's razor blades
Dre:
Yeah but if it all goes through like it's supposed to
The whole neighborhood knows you and they'll expose you
Think about it before you walk in the door first
Look at the store clerk, she's older than George Burns
Em:
Fuck dat! Do that shit! Shoot that bitch!
Can you afford to blow this shit? Are you that rich?
Why you give a fuck if she dies? Are you that bitch?
Do you really think she gives a fuck if you have kids?
Dre:
Man don't do it. It's not worth it to risk it! (You're right!)
Not over this shit (Stop!) Drop the biscuit (I will!)
Don't even listen to Slim, yo, he's bad for you
Em:
You know what Dre? I don't like your attitude...
Meet Stan. 21 years old. After meeting a young girl at a rave party,
things start getting hot and heavy in an upstairs bedroom. Once again, his
conscience comes into play...
Em:
Now listen to me, while you're kissin' her cheek
Smearin' her lipstick, slip this in her drink
Now all you gotta do is nibble on this little bitch's earlobe...
Dre:
Yo! This girl's only 15 years old
You shouldn't take advantage of her, that's not fair
Em:
Yo, look at her bush...does it got hair? (Uh huh.)
Fuck this bitch right here on the spot bare
Til she passes out and she forgot how she got there...
Dre:
Man, ain't you ever seen that one movie KIDS?
Em:
No, but I seen a porno with Son Doobiest!
Dre:
Shit, you wanna get hauled off to jail?
Em:
Man, fuck that, hit that shit raw dog then bail...
Meet Grady. A 29 year old construction worker. After coming home from a
hard day's work, he walks in the door of his trailer park home to find his
wife in bed with another man.
Dre:
Alright calm down, relax, start breathin...
Em:
Fuck that shit, you just caught this bitch cheatin'
While your at work she's with some dude tryin' to get off?!
Fuck slittin' her throat! Cut this bitch's head off!!
Dre:
Wait, what if there's an explanation for this shit?
Em:
What? She tripped? Fell? Landed on his dick?
Dre:
Alright Shady. Maybe he's right Grady
But think about the baby before you get all crazy
Em:
Okay! Thought about it, still wanna stab her
Grab her by the throat, get the daughter and kidnap her?
That's what I did, be smart, don't be a retard
You gonna take advice from somebody that slapped Dee Barnes?!
Dre:
What'chu say?
Em:
What's wrong? Didn't think I'd remember?
Dre:
I'm-a kill you motherfucker!
Em:
Ah-ah! Temper temper! Mr. Dre? Mr. N.W.A.?
Mr. AK comin' straight outta Compton ya'll better make way??!
How in the fuck you gon' tell this man not to be violent?
Dre:
Cuz he don't need to go the same route that I went
Been there done that...aw fuck it...
What am I sayin'? Shoot 'em both Grady, where's your gun at?
(Bang! Bang!)
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...
Dear Slim, I wrote but you still ain't callin
I left my cell, my pager and my home phone at the bottom
I sent two letters back in autumn, you must not o' got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways...Fuck it, what's been up? Man how's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Bonnie
I read about your Uncle Ronnie too I'm sorry
I had a friend kill himself over some bitch who didn't want him
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground shit that you did with Skam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures man
I like the shit you did with Rawkus too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this man, hit me back...
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Stan
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...
Dear Slim, you still ain't called or wrote, I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad...I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me outside your concert
You didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you...
Four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man...you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Denver...You said if I'd write you
You would write back...See I'm just like you in a way
I never knew my father neither...
He used to always cheat on my mom and beat her
I can relate to what you're saying in your songs
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
Cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Slim, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Stan...P.S.
We should be together too
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad, it's not so bad...
Dear Mister I'm-Too-Good-To-Call-Or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package I ever send your ass
It's been six months and still no word...I don't deserve it
I know you got my last two letters...I wrote the addresses on 'em perfect
So this is my cassette I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the freeway
Hey Slim, I drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins, "In the Air of the Night"
About that guy who coulda saved that other guy from drowning
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is, you coulda rescued me from drowning
Now it's too late...I'm on a 1000 downers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy letter or a call
I hope you know I ripped ALL of your pictures off the wall
I love you Slim, we coulda been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you dream about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience EATS AT YOU and you can't BREATHE without me
See Slim...(Screaming)...Shut up bitch! I'm tryin to talk!
Hey Slim, that's my girlfriend screamin in the trunk
But I didn't slit her throat, I just tied her up, see I ain't like you
Cause if she suffocates she'll suffer more, and then she'll die too
Well, gotta go, I'm almost at the bridge now
Oh shit, I forgot, how'm I supposed to send this shit out?
(Tires squeal) (CRASH)
(Silence) (LOUD splash)
My tea's gone cold I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all
The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all
And even if I could it'll all be gray but your picture on my wall
It reminds me, that it's not so bad it's not so bad...
Dear Stan, I meant to write you sooner but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now, how far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here's an autograph for your brother...
I wrote it on the Starter cap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the show, I musta missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to cut your wrists too?
I say that shit just clownin dogg
C'mon...how fucked up is you?
You got some issues Stan, I think you need some counseling
To help your ass from bouncing off the walls when you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want us to meet each other
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
Or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read this letter, I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doin just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you but Stan
Why are you so mad? Try to understand, that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit
I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car over a bridge
And had his girlfriend in the trunk, and she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a tape, but they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about, his name was...it was you...
Damn!
May I have your attention please? (2 x's)
Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
I repeat, will the real Slim Shady please stand up?
We're gonna have a problem here
Y'all act like ya never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam and Tommy just burst in the door
And started whooping her ass worse than before
They first were divorce, throwin' her over furniture
It's the return of the...
"Ah, wait, no way, you're kidding,
he just didn't say what I think he did, did he?"
And Dr. Dre said...
Nothing you idiots! Dr. Dre's dead, he's locked in my basement!
Feminist women love Eminem
"(*Eminem's vocal turntable*) Slim Shady, I'm sick of him
Look at him, walking around grabbing his you-know-what
Flipping the you-know-who, yeah, but he's so cute though"
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
But the worse is what's going on in your parents' bedroom
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't
But it's cool for Tom Green to hump a dead moose
"My bum is on your lips, my bum is on your lips"
And if I'm lucky, you might just give it a little kiss
And that's the message that we deliver to little kids
And expect them not to know what a woman's clitoris is
Of course they gonna know what intercourse is
By the time they hit fourth grade
They got the Discovery Channel don't they?
"We ain't nothing but mammals"
Well, some of us cannibals
Who cut other people open like cantaloupes
But if we can hump dead animals and antelopes
Then there's no reason that a man and another man can't elope
But if you feel like I feel, I got the anecdote
Women wave your panty-hose, sing the chorus and it goes
1- I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
'Cuz I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?
Please stand up, please stand up
Will Smith don't gotta cuss in his raps to sell his records
Well I do so "Fuck him and fuck you too!"
You think I give a damn about a Grammy?
Half of you critics can't even stomach me let alone stand me
"But Slim, what if you win, wouldn't it be weird?"
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here
So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears
Shit Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs
So I can sit next to Carson Daily and Fred Durst
And hear them argue over who she gave head to first
You little bitch, put me on blast on MTV
"Yeah, he's cute, but I think he's married to Kim, hee-hee"
I should download her audio on MP3 and show the whole world
How you gave Eminem VD
I'm sick of you little girl and boy groups
All you do is annoy me so I have been sent here to destroy you
And there's a million of us just like me
Who cuss like me; who just don't give a fuck like me
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me
And just might be the next best thing but not quite me!
Repeat 1
I'm like a head trip to listen to 'cuz I'm only giving you
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room
The only difference is I got the balls to say it
In front of y'all and I don't gotta be frost or sugar coated at all
I just get on a mic and spit it and whether you like to admit it
I just shitted better than 90 percent of you rappers out there
Then you wonder how can kids eat up these albums like valiums
It's funny 'cuz at the rate I'm going when I'm 30
I'll be the only person in the nursing home flirting
Pinching nurses asses when I'm jacking off or jerkin'
Said I'm jerkin' but this whole bag of Viagra isn't working
And every single person is a Slim Shady lurking
He could be working at Burger King spitting on your onion rings
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I don't give a fuck!"
With his windows down and the system up
So, will the real Shady please stand up?
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?
And be proud to be outta ya mind and outta control
And one more time, loud as you can, how does it go?
Repeat 1 (2 x's)
Ha ha
Guess there's a Slim Shady in all of us
Fuck it, let's all stand up
Whatever...
Dre, just let it run
Aiyyo turn the beat up a little bit
Aiyyo...this song is for anyone...fuck it
Just shut up and listen, aiyyo...
I sit back with this pack of Zig Zags and this bag
Of this weed it gives me the shit needed to be
The most meanest MC on this - on this Earth
And since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just curse
And just blurt this berserk and bizarre shit that works
And it sells and it helps in itself to relieve
All this tension dispensin these sentences
Gettin this stress that's been eatin me recently off of this chest
And I rest again peacefully (Peacefully)...
But at least have the decency in you
To leave me alone, when you freaks see me out
In the streets when I'm eatin or feedin my daughter
To not come and speak to me (Speak to me)...
I don't know you and no,
I don't owe you a motherfuckin thing
I'm not Mr. N'Sync, I'm not what your friends think
I'm not Mr. Friendly, I can be a prick
If you tempt me my tank is on empty (Is on empty)...
No patience is in me and if you offend me
I'm liftin you 10 feet (Liftin you 10 feet)...in the air
I don't care who is there and who saw me destroy you
Go call you a lawyer, file you a lawsuit
I'll smile in the courtroom and buy you a wardrobe
I'm tired of all you (Of all you)...
I don't mean to be mean but that's all I can be is just me
Chorus
And I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am
Sometimes I just feel like my father, I hate to be bothered
With all of this nonsense it's constant
And, 'Oh, it's his lyrical content...
The song 'Guilty Conscience' has gotten such rotten responses'
And all of this controversy circles me
And it seems like the media immediately
Points a finger at me (Finger at me)...
So I point one back at 'em, but not the index or pinkie
Or the ring or the thumb, it's the one you put up
When you don't give a fuck, when you won't just put up
With the bullshit they pull, cause they full of shit too
When a dude's gettin bullied and shoots up his school
And they blame it on Marilyn (On Marilyn)...and the heroin
Where were the parents at? And look where it's at
Middle America, now it's a tragedy
Now it's so sad to see, an upper class city
Havin this happenin (This happenin)...
Then attack Eminem cause I rap this way (Rap this way)...
But I'm glad cause they feed me the fuel that I need for the fire
To burn and it's burnin and I have returned
Chorus
I'm so sick and tired of bein admired
That I wish that I would just die or get fired
And dropped from my label and stop with the fables
I'm not gonna be able to top on "My Name is..."
And pigeon-holed into some poppy sensation
To cop me rotation at rock 'n' roll stations
And I just do not got the patience (Got the patience)...
To deal with these cocky caucasians who think
I'm some whigger who just tries to be black cause I talk
With an accent, and grab on my balls, so they always keep askin
The same fuckin questions (Fuckin questions)...
What school did I go to, what hood I grew up in
The why, the who what when, the where, and the how
'Til I'm grabbin my hair and I'm tearin it out
Cause they drivin me crazy (Drivin me crazy)...I can't take it
I'm racin, I'm pacin, I stand and I sit
And I'm thankful for every fan that I get
But I can't take a shit, in the bathroom
Without someone standin by it
No I won't sign your autograph
You can call me an asshole I'm glad
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
Radio won't even play my jam
Cause I am, whatever you say I am
If I wasn't, then why would I say I am?
In the paper, the news everyday I am
I don't know it's just the way I am