Uh, this hotel room's gotta lotta stuff Laundry bag and a shoe shine cloth Thirty two hangers and a touch tone phone Well a light that comes on when I ain't home I ain't home I ain't home You better leave a message 'cause I ain't home They got an air conditioner for when I'm hot A radiator for when I'm not Two big chairs sittin' side by side With a holy bible and the TV Guide TV Guide The TV Guide Great God Almighty It's the TV Guide I gotta second story view from curb to curb I gotta sign that reads 'Do Not Disturb' A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies Mirror that lies A mirror that lies That couldn't be me In the gorilla disguise They got a room service menu for food and drink A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink Two big pillows to rest my head A Magic Fingers and a king-size bed Put in a quarter Turn out the light Magic Fingers makes ya feel alright Uh feel alright Feel alright Magic Fingers makes you feel alright Uh this ol' hotel's all right with me They pay the postage if you lose the key This hotel room's gotta lot of stuff But I do believe I've had enough Called my baby said don't you pout I'm packin' my bags and I'm checkin' out Just as soon as you hang up the telephone Stick a candle in the window I'm comin' home Comin' home Uh comin' home Stick a candle in the window I'm comin' home Whoa comin' home Comin' home Stick a candle in the window I'm comin' home 'Thank you, boys'