Well, like I explained to y'all before I ain't no drinkin' man.
I tried it once, and it got me highly irregular and I swore I'd never
do it again. But I promised my brother-in-law that I'd go up and watch
his still while he went into town to vote.
It was up there on the mountain where the map said it would be. Friends
let me tell you one thing though, it wasn't no ordinary still. It stood
up that mountainside like...like a huge golden opal.
God's yellar moon was a' shinin' on the cool clear evenin', God's little
lanterns just a' twinklin' on and off in the heavens and, like I explained
to you once before, I ain't no drinkin' man, But, temptation got the best
of me, and I took a slash...(Washew!...whoa...) That yellar whiskey runnin'
down my throat like honeydew vine water, and I took another slash. Took
another and another and another. 'Fore you knew it I'd downed one whole
jug o' that shit and commenced to get hot flashes.
Goosepimples was runnin' up and down my body and a feelin' came over me
like, somethin' I'd never experienced before, It's like, like I was in
love...
('Why don't we have a little love Mike')
In love for the first time, with anything that moved...animate, inanimate
it didn't matter. It's like there's a great neon sign flashin' on and off
in my brain sayin, 'Jimmy Buffett there's a great day a comin'...'
'Cause I was drunk.
Now I wasn't, uh, knee-crawlin', slip-slidin', reggy-youngin', commode-
huggin' drunk, I was God's own drunk, and a fearless man; And that's when
I first saw the bear.
He was a Kodiak lookin' fella 'bout 19 feet tall he rambled up over the
hill 'spectin' me to do one of two things: flip or fly, I didn't do either
one. It hung him up. He starts sniffin' 'round my body tryin' to smell fear,
but he ain't gonna smell no fear, 'cause I'm God's own drunk and a fearless
man. It hung him up. He looked me right in my eyes and my eyes was a lot
redder than his was. It hung him up.
So I approached him and I said, 'Mr. Bear, I love every hair on your
27 acre body. I know you got a lotta friends over there on the other side
of the hill. There's ole' Rear Bear, Tall Bear, Freddy Bear, Kelly Jair,
Relly Bear, Smelly the Bear, Smokey the Bear, Pokey the Bear; I want you
to go back over there tonight and tell 'em I'm feelin' right. You tell 'em
I love each and every one of 'em like a brother and a sister...but if they
give me any trouble tonight, I'm gonna run every Goddamned one of 'em off
the hill.'
He took two steps backwards and didn't know what to think. Neither did I,
but, being charitable and cautious, well hell, I approached him again. I
said, 'Mr. Bear, you know in the eyes of the Lord, we're both beasts
when it comes right down to it. So I want you to be my buddy, Buddy Bear.'
So I took ole' Buddy Bear by his island sized paw and I led him over to the
still. Now he's a' sniffin' around that thing 'cause he's smellin' somethin'
good. I gave him one of them jugs of honeydew vine water, he downed it
upright, (looked like one of them damn bears in the circus sippin'
sasparilly in the moonlight.) I gave him another and another and another
'fore I knew it, he'd downed eight of 'em and commenced to do the 'bear
dance.' Two sniffs, a snort, a fly, a turn and a grunt...and it was so
simple like the jitterbug it plumb evaded me.
And we worked ourselves into a tumultuous uproar and I's awful tired, went
over to the hillside, and I laid down, went to sleep, slept for four hours,
and dreamt me some tremulous dreams And when I woke up, Oh, there was God's
yellar moon a' shinin' on the clear cool evenin'. And God's little lanterns
just a' twinklin' on and off in the heavens...And my buddy the bear was a'
missin'...Yeah, you want to know somethin' else friends and neighbors, so
was that still.
'That's a take. Wait, could uh...you missed it?'
